Why Not Immigrate To Pakistan?

Paul Fromm, C-FAR newsletter

Interesting ethno-cultural experiment:

1. Enter Pakistan, China, or any other third world country illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any similar nonsense.

2. Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care, social services etc. for you and for your entire extended family.

3. Demand both English and French speaking nurses and doctors—no matter which is your primary tongue or if you speak or somehow gain fluency in the local language.

4. Likewise, demand free English and French language “host” government forms, bulletins, Court services, etc.

5. Procreate abundantly. Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with: “It is a cultural Canadian thing which you would not understand.”

6. Keep your Canadian identity strong. Fly Canada’s flag from your rooftop, or proudly display it on your car’s front window or its rear bumper.

7. At all international sports matches between Canada and your new “host” country, vocally cheer on Canada’s team while enthusiastically booing the local side.

8. Speak only English or French at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.

9. Demand classes on Canada’s culture and in both of its official languages from your children’s new school system.

10. Demand a local drivers’ license. This will afford you other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in your “host” country.

11. Demand local law enforcement bodies teach both English and French to all of their officers and insist that your Canadian cultural identity dictates that you receive extreme leniency if convicted of any local offence.

12. Invite your geriatric and or handicapped relatives, and even casual acquaintances, to join you in the “host” country and expect its government to support them too.

13. Insist that there is never any occasion, work situation or temperature extreme where wearing your national garb of toque, lumber jacket and snow boots is improper and always remember to whine non-stop that anyone who says otherwise is plainly a “racist”.

14. Beyond availability of government services, take no interest in anything else concerning the “host” country and obtain all your news and other information via the CBC’s international service. At all times loudly and unfavorably compare the local country to “my real home in Canada” while vigorously rejecting all urging that you return to it.

Oh, and by the way,

“GOOD LUCK”